i went to target today to buy a swimsuit and sunglasses for the camp which i’m going to...

i went to target today to buy a swimsuit and sunglasses for the camp which i’m going to tomorrow, and it did not go so well. it started off with me trying on sunglasses and seeing a) my face and b) my hair in the mirror. i decided to just not get any sunglasses and skip to the swimsuits. i grabbed a few smalls and went to the dressing room to try them on. the bottoms of the first suit i tried on were too small, so i looked in the mirror to see how the top fit. i am so HUGE, really. i think it’s slowly crept up on me, but i am so massive, i don’t even know how i’m living with myself right now. i finally found a semi-okay looking swimsuit, but i’ll probably just swim in a tee shirt, because i honestly should not be displaying  my body at all. i got really frustrated and upset, because my hair is suddenly falling out in massive quantities again, and i can notice a difference in just one day, and i’m getting so fat i don’t even know where to start. ever since my eating disorder, i can’t tell when i’m hungry, so i just eat the same scheduled meals, and i’m scared that if i skip something, i’ll miss out on some nutrient or something and my hair will get worse. the texture of my hair is completely RUINED. i’m not sure if it’s from me using those harsh shampoos, or if that just happens when you lose hair, but it’s so awful, and i hate leaving the house sometimes. as we were leaving target, i was trying not to cry, and i was being kind of snappy, and my mom told me to stop being so mean because i was “disappointed in myself” and that just made me even more sad. when i got home, brooke sent me some photos and videos from when we did gymnastics together, and they were so cute, but made me so sad. i looked so happy and carefree, and i wish i could go back to that time. i don’t want to care about my hair anymore, but i want the problem to RESOLVE. i’m terrified that if i don’t care, pay attention, and take preventive measures, my hair will get worse. it’s a catch 22.

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i have to tell my friend i can’t go to the camp with her. i was upset, but it’s out of my control now, so i’ve accepted it. i took a shower today, and as i was combing it afterwards, hair was falling out in ropes. it was terrifying. i came out of the bathroom and i guess i looked a little upset, and my mom sighed and started telling me that so many worse things could be happening to me, which i guess is true but doesn’t help. i wish she’d just leave me alone. i’m really sad right now. i hate sitting around watching my hair get thinner and not being able to do anything about it. everyone else is eating dinner, but for the first time in a while, i’m not hungry.

Watching men’s hair growth commercials always make me self-conscious and paranoid, because I know I’ll be losing my hair someday.  My hair’s even kinda lame now.  I think I should just shave my head bald to prepare for the inevitable.  Bah, I’m rambling for some reason.  I should go to bed…

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My hair loss is really depressing me…. My hair has always been my favorite attribute. When I felt like I looked like shit, my hair never did.  It always made me feel better about myself.  Now it’s the source of my problem.  I’m terrified that it may never go back to the way it was. ugh I can’t take it. The only good thing about it is that it falls out evenly.  Guess I’m lucky in that aspect. 

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and i have bronchitis. hahahhahahha will it ever end?

also conisdering dying my hair lighter because my hair is falling out again :(

it’s not suuuuuper visible.. but i feel like i am going through chemo.

Just a progress update.
I’ve not had access to clippers for a while, hence why the scalp hasn’t just been shaved. I don’t know how this doesn’t make me upset, but it just doesn’t anymore.

The thing that does get me annoyed is when people assume I’ve cut my hair like this because I’m an attention seeker. I can’t even express how riled up that gets me. Surely if I wanted attention from it, I’d be talking to everyone and anyone about it. The reality is that I have accepted my illness, I’ve embraced wigs as part of my life and I cope quite well.

I just hope that my followers with the same condition find the strength to cope as well as me. Remember, I’m always free to chat about anything x

i have to tell my friend i can’t go to the camp with her. i was upset, but it’s out of my control now, so i’ve accepted it. i took a shower today, and as i was combing it afterwards, hair was falling out in ropes. it was terrifying. i came out of the bathroom and i guess i looked a little upset, and my mom sighed and started telling me that so many worse things could be happening to me, which i guess is true but doesn’t help. i wish she’d just leave me alone. i’m really sad right now. i hate sitting around watching my hair get thinner and not being able to do anything about it. everyone else is eating dinner, but for the first time in a while, i’m not hungry.

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Transplants is not the only hair restoration for men technique available today. Dht blockers and propecia are just some of the options available.

Back when medical folk started to do skin transplantation, not a…

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My hair loss is really depressing me…. My hair has always been my favorite attribute. When I felt like I looked like shit, my hair never did.  It always made me feel better about myself.  Now it’s the source of my problem.  I’m terrified that it may never go back to the way it was. ugh I can’t take it. The only good thing about it is that it falls out evenly.  Guess I’m lucky in that aspect. 

i’m really really stressed. i can’t seem to stop touching my hair, and the more i do, the more falls out. what worries me the most is that the hairs i’m losing are baby hairs (the new hair that’s growing in). if i keep losing all my new regrowth, there’s no way my hair will ever recover. i’m terrified that it will never look the way it looked before. even if i looks tons better than it does now, i’ll never be completely satisfied until it looks exactly the way it did before. i know this sounds incredibly vain and shallow, but my hair was the thing i liked best about myself, and now it’s probably the thing i like least about myself. i’m going to the dermatologist in two days, so hopefully she can help me. i just want this whole thing to be over. 

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i have to tell my friend i can’t go to the camp with her. i was upset, but it’s out of...

i have to tell my friend i can’t go to the camp with her. i was upset, but it’s out of my control now, so i’ve accepted it. i took a shower today, and as i was combing it afterwards, hair was falling out in ropes. it was terrifying. i came out of the bathroom and i guess i looked a little upset, and my mom sighed and started telling me that so many worse things could be happening to me, which i guess is true but doesn’t help. i wish she’d just leave me alone. i’m really sad right now. i hate sitting around watching my hair get thinner and not being able to do anything about it. everyone else is eating dinner, but for the first time in a while, i’m not hungry.

i feel like my hair is a ticking time bomb, and i have to get as much living in as possible before...

i feel like my hair is a ticking time bomb, and i have to get as much living in as possible before it gets so bad no one will want to be around me.

i’m really kind of freaking out a little. every day i can see that my hair is thinner than the last,...

i’m really kind of freaking out a little. every day i can see that my hair is thinner than the last, and my mom keeps insisting that it’s better. she told me to go back to the dermatologist if i wasn’t happy with how it looked and to see if she could help me. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m going to have to go, but i don’t want it to turn into this big fiasco like last time. maybe i’ll go and ask if i can just show her, rather than her touch (AND YANK) my hair. what’s really frustrating is the fact that i’m not losing more hair than is normal in a day. some days i lose more than others, but the amount of hairs i lose is not considered “abnormal”, but somehow my hair is still thinning. i’m wondering if it’s not growing back in right, or if my follicles aren’t functioning properly anymore. i know i need to calm down about it, because stress can make it worse, but when i don’t stress, i lose more (from not being so uptight and gentle with it) and then i start stressing again. it’s really just ridiculous and i can’t keep living my life like this. it’s been almost a year since this whole ordeal started, and i can’t let it consume any more of my life. then again, i can’t NOT let it either.

my hair is getting thicker my hair is getting thicker my hair is getting thickeri hope i’m not...

my hair is getting thicker my hair is getting thicker my hair is getting thicker
i hope i’m not speaking too soon, but i wore my hair down today for the first time in a while, and it’s not looking too bad! it’s not looking great, obviously, but it’s not as horrendous as it once was. i went to the zoo with Katie Rose today, and it was great. We watched the elephant show and i had this big stupid grin on my face the whole time because they were just so cute agh. plus, we had a Phoebe-Katie Rose car ride, which is always crazy and ridiculous. i love her family though, they’re so cute. her dad did force me to take a picture though, which of course came out terribly. god i hate pictures so much ugh ugh. it was fun though, and i saw otters and i love otters.

i’ve decided this is going to end. i made an appointment with the dermatologist, so that might help...

i’ve decided this is going to end. i made an appointment with the dermatologist, so that might help take care of my hair. i have an appointment today with my therapist, so that might help take care of my ocd. if i can resolve those two issues, my life will be peachy. i mean, it won’t be perfect, but i’ll just have to deal with all the things normal people deal with. i’m really excited, so hopefully everything will work out :) the anorexia voices are all pretty much gone. i think i’ve reached as normal as a place as i ever will. i know no one is 100% back to normal after they have an eating disorder. it’s a lifelong thing, but it’s very very manageable right now. my goal is to have everything as fixed up as possible by the beginning of the school year.

i’m kind of freaking out a little. i can’t seem to stop touching my hair, and the more i touch it,...

i’m kind of freaking out a little. i can’t seem to stop touching my hair, and the more i touch it, the more it falls out. i’ve only been touching it the last 10 minutes or so, so i guess it isn’t too bad. yes it is. anyways, i went to a party today, and some of us were talking and one of my friends was like “have any of you guys been doing anything at all this summer?” and everyone was like “….no.” i feel tons better now. i was thinking i was some sort of anti-social loser.

i’ve decided this is going to end. i made an appointment with the dermatologist, so that might...

i’ve decided this is going to end. i made an appointment with the dermatologist, so that might help take care of my hair. i have an appointment today with my therapist, so that might help take care of my ocd. if i can resolve those two issues, my life will be peachy. i mean, it won’t be perfect, but i’ll just have to deal with all the things normal people deal with. i’m really excited, so hopefully everything will work out :) the anorexia voices are all pretty much gone. i think i’ve reached as normal as a place as i ever will. i know no one is 100% back to normal after they have an eating disorder. it’s a lifelong thing, but it’s very very manageable right now. my goal is to have everything as fixed up as possible by the beginning of the school year.

i feel like my hair is a ticking time bomb, and i have to get as much living in as possible before...

i feel like my hair is a ticking time bomb, and i have to get as much living in as possible before it gets so bad no one will want to be around me.

i had a really wonderful time at the movies. i had already seen the movie, which was pirates of the...

i had a really wonderful time at the movies. i had already seen the movie, which was pirates of the caribbean, but i didn’t mind seeing it again. i feel like my boyfriend and i were being really obnoxious stereotypical teenagers and talking through the whole thing, but we were whispering and it was nice. plus, we didn’t sit there straight up and down awkwardly, if you know what i mean. anyways, after the movie me, my boyfriend, and our friend went to urban outfitters and sat and talked for so long that they locked us inside. we were reading “dirty french” and “dirty spanish” books, and our friend was literally laughing so hard i thought his head would explode. i feel like it was a really stereotypical teenager-y night, but it was wonderful. unfortunately, i got home, and i started stressing about my hair again. i  keep touching it, trying to make it look a little better, but the more i touch it, the more falls out. for some reason, though, i can’t stop touching it. my part is getting wider, and i’m losing a lot of the new regrowth i’ve been seeing. my mom keeps insisting that my hair isn’t getting any thinner, but it quite obviously is. i wish this whole problem would just go away. i hate thinking about my hair all the time, and i feel silly because so many people have to deal with worse things. it’s really just awful though.

it’s only 10 a.m. and i think this shall be a wonderful day. first of all, i talked to my...

it’s only 10 a.m. and i think this shall be a wonderful day. first of all, i talked to my boyfriend last night AND this morning, so that was nice. it turns out he was out of town, so he wasn’t on facebook a lot. basically, i realized i’m just a huge attention whore. on the other hand, i’m having a really bad hair day. by bad hair day, i don’t mean that it’s frizzy or won’t fall right or whatever, i mean that it’s rapidly getting thinner and thinner and i can’t seem to deal with it today. what’s incredibly frustrating is that my mom and dad say that it’s stopped thinning, but it really hasn’t. they told me to go to the dermatologist again if it’s really bothering me. first of all, it is bother me. A LOT. secondly, i went to the dermatologist a couple of months ago, and i completely FREAKED out and ended up crying so hard i was hyperventilating. i know it’s ridiculous, but i couldn’t calm myself down. plus, when i go, the test to see if my hair is really falling out is grabbing a chunk and yanking it. ugh, i’m getting stressed just thinking about it. to make myself feel better, i always told myself to think about the start of sophomore year, when my hair would be better and thick and shiny, just like it was before all of this started. as of now, though, it seems like it will just be even worse than it is now. no matter what i do, i can’t make it stop, and it’s driving me insane. if this doesn’t stop soon, i’m really going to lose my mind. on the up side though, i’ve been more able to control my prayer compulsions. i only said the sentence once and then i stuffed food in my mouth. for some reason, once i start eating, i don’t have to say it anymore. the hard part is stopping myself from saying it 10+ times before i actually start eating. if i get a little better at controlling my compulsions, i won’t have to take medicine! i absolutely REFUSE to take medicine. i actually have already come up with a plan to avoid taking it if it’s prescribed. 

i’m really kind of freaking out a little. every day i can see that my hair is thinner than the...

i’m really kind of freaking out a little. every day i can see that my hair is thinner than the last, and my mom keeps insisting that it’s better. she told me to go back to the dermatologist if i wasn’t happy with how it looked and to see if she could help me. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m going to have to go, but i don’t want it to turn into this big fiasco like last time. maybe i’ll go and ask if i can just show her, rather than her touch (AND YANK) my hair. what’s really frustrating is the fact that i’m not losing more hair than is normal in a day. some days i lose more than others, but the amount of hairs i lose is not considered “abnormal”, but somehow my hair is still thinning. i’m wondering if it’s not growing back in right, or if my follicles aren’t functioning properly anymore. i know i need to calm down about it, because stress can make it worse, but when i don’t stress, i lose more (from not being so uptight and gentle with it) and then i start stressing again. it’s really just ridiculous and i can’t keep living my life like this. it’s been almost a year since this whole ordeal started, and i can’t let it consume any more of my life. then again, i can’t NOT let it either.